only after you lose everything are you free to do anything

"Only after you lose everything are you free to do anything"

I've never been a spontaneous person. I'm not the type of person to pack up everything and go on a life changing adventure while leaving every day life behind. I over analyze everything. I "what if" and think of everything that could go wrong in every situation before doing it.
All of that stopped when I decided to go on Semester at Sea. Everything that people had said that drove me crazy when Josh died like "everything happens for a reason" still makes me question some people's outlook on life. Yet, here I am. Struggling to get everything together to be able to leave in 10 days. I don't believe that his death was for any particular reason...I don't believe God is that cruel. What I do believe is that Josh came into my life to teach me many things. One being I am truely free to do anything...
I moved back home when Josh died because of not being able to work. Finding out my parents were planning on moving to Florida sometime in the beginning of the year threw me for a loop. Instead of agreeing to go with them or making any set decisions when I found out about Semester at Sea I immediately felt like that was going to be my home for 4 months. I'll figure out what I'll do next while I'm there.
This is only the beginning...I might not change as much as I want or maybe I'll change more than I expect. All I know is that Josh is watching over me and wants me to experience everything I would never have let myself do before.
Someone said something that put everything in complete perspective for me...
This giant universe that used to make me scared..now you're a part of it. Now I can't help but think you're a part of everything new and shiny. You were the brave one willing to go before us all to let us know everything was going to be okay. I love you for that J.
<3

I'm ready to travel the world. I'm ready to let go.
So it goes..